iPole

Over dinner recently with CEinie, I met a new acquaintance that told me about a fascinating revolution in the world of exercise and body image. I can’t remember the exact name of it, but I thought it was called “The X Factor” (though I tried Googling this today and found nothing related…but that’s what I’m calling it for the purpose of this blog).

Apparently, the X Factor is a series of 8-10 classes where you go for a combo of exercise and self-esteem building via pole and lap dancing techniques. Yep, you read that correctly: you pay to pole dance (and lap dance too I think). Genius! Not only do you perform individually, but they actually encourage you to wear “strip club”, excuse me dancer-type attire to class. You know, to get in the spirit. My new acquaintance informed us she had just purchased 6-inch platform heels and a very, very naughty short skirt and cut-off shirt to wear. Double genius! And it’s not even Halloween!

Initially, this just sounded like some good crazy fun to me. Being the karaoke microphone hog that I am, I naturally thought: “Me + pole + audience of non-pervy men = fun!” My initial reaction was “CEinie! Let’s sign up!”

My new acquaintance was quick to point out that good crazy fun is NOT the purpose of the class. The purpose (I think) is to get you (women) comfortable with your body by seeing other people dance in an uninhibited fashion no matter what their body flaws are. Let’s face it, we all have them (remember Tyra’s sage advice on “America’s Top Model”: “Girl, I got a stomach too…you just gotta learn to hold that IN.”) and we all think that the body flaw world revolves around each of us and that there are gigantic arrows pointing ours out to everyone else. Or maybe the point is, the more frequently you get your stuff out there and get comfortable with it, the less it will bother you. Clearly, I do not know the point. Clearly, I am not yet on this higher plane.

The class is $450 for 8-10 sessions. Since I’m mulling over how to work in basic cable and wireless Internet at my new home, this probably won’t happen for me right away.

It did get me thinking though. What song would be my pole/lap dance signature sound? And what would my naughty attire consist of?

After a quick sift through my iPod, I quickly remembered the song that always seems to make me run a little faster and with a little more ‘tude when I actually make it to a treadmill and inspires me to dance 80s video-vamp style when I hear it at bars. Without further adieu, I give you, the RBrown pole-dancing tune of choice:

“Pour Some Sugar on Me” by Def Leppard.

I think a pair of very tall white go-go boots with a very short but fitted 60s-style shift dress would go nicely with this song (yeah, I know it’s an 80s song but it’s my blog, people! Let me have a moment here!). I see hair and makeup similar to Sienna Miller’s 60s look donned in the 2004 version of “Alfie”. Yes, yes. My sound and look is coming together nicely.

Now, dear friends of the blogosphere, it’s YOUR turn. What’s your song? What will you wear? Guys, don’t think you can get off so easily (look at that – a copywriting pun…go figure). I’d love hear any one of the following:

a) what your song would be
b) what you’d like to see your girlfriend dance to (note the distinction here: I did NOT say what you’d like to see the local “dancers” dance to
c) if you’re just too uncomfortable with the whole thought of this, tell me what you “at-bat” song would be if you played for (insert favorite pro baseball team here).

Come on! Don’t be shy! Let it all hang out, people!